By LISA BROWN
Too often, many women neglect their friends and prioritize their significant other (S/O) within a relationship.
Don’t. Dump. Your. Friends.
There’s so much wrong with this, but when you’re blinded by love, you tend to have tunnel vision.
Any advice or concrete evidence of your actions from family and friends means nothing to you because at the end of the tunnel, you’ll see an illuminated boyfriend with open arms and that’s all that matters.
You believe you’re getting attacked and can easily dump the accuser, but you’ll regret it when the honeymoon phase ends. Your friends, especially your single friends, won’t understand why you’re choosing him over them.
News flash. If you’re in a co-dependent relationship, it won’t end well for you no matter what angle you look at it. If you break up, you have the job of rekindling friendships that you pushed to the side for however long your relationship lasted – if these friends even want that.
Friendship is a two-way street and you have to be a friend to have them.
Oxford University researchers concluded that a woman in a new relationship will lose about two friends.
Secondly, I can assure you that your breakup will be way harder without a strong support system already in place. On the other hand, if you stay together, you have the agony of watching your S/O have a flourishing social life apart from his romantic life with you, and it will cause problems, indefinitely. You’ll be jealous, insecure and upset over it. Or you will tag along and lose your identity by only spending time with him and his friends.
I’m not sure why women and girls do this.
A counsellor told me there’s always a puller and a pusher in a relationship, and I hate that because of its truth.
I wish it was equal, but apparently it never is.
I want to see more empowered women and girls in relationships.
I have two friends who maintain relationships and friendships very well. And then I have many friends who prioritize relationships over friendships. I understand that you get a different form of love and happiness from a S/O. I’ve been there. But it’s so wrong to drop your friends and I don’t see a lot of men doing that for my friends, so I don’t understand why they do.
You won’t believe it until it happens to you, but some women cannot make a good relationship last if she can’t be independent. Women need to keep busy and immersed in their community.
Being a part of an educational institution, sports team (at any level), fitness class or a club offers opportunity of socialization outside of relationship and adds to your (hopefully) already existing social circle.
We’ve all seen the girlfriend who gets dragged out or willingly tails behind her boyfriend at a party or outing with friends.
If that’s you or usually always you, don’t be that girl any longer. Be a girlfriend who can hold her own and have just as flourishing of a social and personal life as your S/O.
You also don’t need to falsely like things your boyfriend likes. Obviously, it’s important to have similar interests, but don’t lose your hobbies and interests because you’re more concerned about immersing yourself in his hobbies and interests. You’ll be more likely to set aside what makes you, YOU if you didn’t have a firm foundation of identity beforehand.
Age is a major factor. The older a woman is, the more mature she will be to appreciate her friendships over any romantic relationship with a man. And don’t forget, boys mature into men very slowly. “Aim high” my mom always says.
In order to have empowered women in relationships, two sayings must be thrown out: “Boys will be boys” and “Date a rich man.”
For one, excusing a man’s behaviour by considering it a lost cause and disguising it with a cloak of innocence is wrong. Secondly, we women will make enough money on our own to support ourselves, feed ourselves and treat ourselves lusciously. We don’t depend on men.
Remember: You can make excuses day in and day out about why you have no time for your friends. Friends and dogs will always be there for you, especially when you’re “watching” him play video games (insert eye roll). How is that even fun, ladies? Seriously. He doesn’t watch you apply your makeup.